17 February 2022

Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. Sunday Reflections, 7th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year C


Christ as Saviour

It is he who forgives all your guilt,
who heals every one of your ills (Ps 102 [103]:2; Responsorial Psalm).

Readings (Jerusalem Bible: Australia, England & Wales, Ireland, New Zealand, Pakistan, Scotland, South Africa)

Readings (New American Bible: Philippines, USA) 

Gospel Luke 6:27-38 (English Standard Version Anglicised: India)  

Jesus said to his disciples:

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

 

Léachtaí i nGaeilge


The Merciful Christ
Juan Martínez Montañes [Web Gallery of Art]

Love your enemies, Jesus tells us twice in today's Gospel, which concludes with his words Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. These words of Jesus are perhaps the most difficult of all to follow.

Nearly 50 years ago I was chaplain in a third-level school in the Philippines run by religious sisters. One day the Directress asked me to go to the station of the Philippine Constabulary (PC) in the city. One of the male students was filing a case against another. The two had been close friends but had had a serious disagreement. I went to the station with some reluctance. It was during the early years of martial law in the Philippines and the PC was deeply involved in this. They were the national police force at the time and part of the military. I saw the PC as part of 'the enemy of the people'.

I was pleasantly surprised when I met the officer on duty, a major as far as I can recall. He was speaking to the young man filing the charge when I arrived and was trying unsuccessfully to persuade him not to go ahead with this move. The other student was also present.

The officer gave me a warm and courteous welcome. When I told him why I was there he suggested that I speak to the student filing the charge and brought us to a room where we could have some privacy.

As it happened, this young man had attended a weekend retreat for male students in the college that I had given only a week or two before in the local seminary. I had remembered how well he had participated and told him that. We spoke about the retreat and how it had challenged all of us. And I reminded him that all the participants had availed of the chance to go to confession.

I could see that he was reflecting on all of this as I brought up the question of his filing a charge against a man who had been his best friend. I gently encouraged him to drop the case. I could see in his physical behaviour the inner struggle he was going through. His whole body had tightened up. The tension within him was great and very obvious. After a long struggle he agreed to withdraw the charge.

We went back to the officer on duty and the student told him that he was dropping the charge. The other student was there and very relieved to hear this. The officer encouraged them to shake hands, which they did, though the student dropping the charge didn't do so with great enthusiasm.

However, he had done something very difficult: he had decided to forgive the man who had been his friend. He still had strong painful feelings. But forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. It is a decision made with God's grace. In some situations it can be like major surgery. The surgery heals but physical pain still remains and takes time to disappear naturally. A scar that usually doesn't bother us may remain. In some instances there may be a permanent mark such as lameness after an operation on the back, for example. But healing has taken place.

And our feelings in a situation like this need time to subside, depending on the gravity of the situation.

For my own part, I was very grateful for the kindness, thoughtfulness and wisdom of the PC officer. He had acted entirely as a friend in this situation, not as an 'enemy of the people'. I had to take that on board and not condemn everyone in the PC out of hand.

I do not know if the former friendship between the two young men in the story was rekindled. Perhaps I should have followed up. I was then a young, inexperienced priest. 

The ongoing grace for me from that incident iss the awareness that forgiveness can be very difficult but, with God's grace, not impossible. The young man who withdrew his charge against his friend was the bearer of that grace from God for me, just as the PC officer and I were the bearers of God's grace to him enabling him to make the decision to forgive.

Kyrie from Missa Papae Marcelli
Composer: Palestrina
Sung by Sistine Chapel Choir
Directed by Fr Massimo Palombella SDB

Kyrie, eleison - Christe, eleison - Kyrie, eleison
Lord, have mercy - Christ, have mercy - Lord, have mercy

Traditional Latin Mass (TLM) 

Sexagesima Sunday 

The Complete Mass in Latin and English is here. (Adjust the date at the top of that page to 02-20-2022 if necessary).

Epistle: 2 Corinthians 14:19-33; 12:1-9.  Gospel: Luke 8:4-15.

The Sower (after Millet)
Vincent van Gogh [Web Gallery of Art]




2 comments:

Mariette VandenMunckhof-Vedder said...

Dearest Father Seán,
That was a beautiful and perfect example about forgiveness and indeed it is not a feeling!
We better leave the real matter to our Final Judge as He far better knows how to deal with all those issues. Just forgive and turn it over to Him.
Hugs,
Mariette

Unknown said...

Dear Fr.Sean
Thank you for your sharing the story of the two friends who had a serious falling out.
Blessings
Mike and Rose