My Dad's 25th Death Anniversary

The photo above of my Dad, John Coyle, was taken just a few days before he 'upped and died' while watching on television the last day of the five-day cricket test match between England and Pakistan at The Oval, London. The Columban Superior General at the time was an Australian, Fr Bernard Cleary, and he was amused when I told him this. An illustrious Dubliner, George Bernard Shaw, once said, The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity. The gave that Dad was watching when he had his heart attack seems to bear this out as it ended in a draw. 

My Dad was a pure 'Dub', born in Dublin city of parents from Rush, County Dublin, a fishing village north of the city, Nicholas and Jane. I didn't realise how much of a 'Dub' he was until I came home for the first time from the seminary where we 'Dubs' were a small - but significant! - minority and heard him speak. I had become accustomed to the great variety of accents from all over Ireland, some of which I couldn't understand at first. The same George Bernard Shaw also said that England and America are two countries divided by a common language. He was referring to words having different meanings and to each country using different words to describe the same reality. But we were all using the same words to mean the same thing but with utterly different pronunciations.

But it was a bit of a shock to realise that Dad had such a strong Dublin accent, one that even Dubliners themselves sometimes laugh at. Yet when he came on a visit to the Philippines for six weeks in 1981 he was able to communicate remarkably well with people who didn't have a word of English or who couldn't understand the way he spoke it. This was because what you saw was what you got. He was the same with everyone, from an archbishop to a young child.

When I was growing up I never heard the term 'bonding' being used in the context of parents relating to their children. When I became familiar with the concept I knew exactly what it meant because from my earliest days Dad and I were bonding. When my brother Paddy was still a baby Dad would take me to Sunday Mass in Holy Family Church, Aughrim Street (post-Vatican II interior in photo above), while my mother stayed at home and then went to a later Mass. For years on Sunday mornings after Mass Dad, my brother and I would meet our paternal grandfather at the local Catholic Young Men's Society, many of whose members were far from young. We would then go for a walk in the nearby Phoenix Park.

Phoenix Park in the summer

Dad also brought me to many soccer games in Dalymount Park, at the time the major football stadium in the Republic of Ireland. But my earliest memory of being with him at a game goes back to when I was maybe only four or five. He took me to Shelbourne Park to see his favourite team, Shelbourne play. They wore, and still wear, red and I remember vividly the red shirts of Shelbourne and the blue shirts of the other team, probably Limerick FC. 'Shels', as they're known, left Shelbourne Park at the end of the 1948-49 season. 

But I went to Shelbourne Park many a Sunday afternoon with Dad around 1950 to 1952 or so to watch speedway racing. The sport never really caught on in Ireland and the riders in those days weren't as colourful as those in the photo above. But names like Ronnie Moore, born in Australia but who grew up in New Zealand, Jack Young (photo below) another Australian, and Ernie Roccio, a handsome and very popular Italian-American who died in a race in England during that period, bring back many memories.Indeed I used to collect cards with photos of riders.

I remember a Friday evening in 1950, after Dad had bought a 'banger', (a pre-war Morris 8 like the one above except that ours was black and had the number ZC 595), he told me that he had a special surprise for me. After tea, our evening meal, the two of us went off in the car and arrived at the National Stadium on the South Circular Road (photo below, though it was somewhat different in 1950). It was the first of many occasions when we went there to see amateur boxing. He would have been delighted at Ireland's haul in the current Olympic Games, one gold so far (Katie Taylor), with at least a silver and the prospect of another gold tonight (John Joe Nevin), and two bronze medals (Paddy Barnes and Michael Conlan). One thing I learned from those events was a sense of sportsmanship. While the crowd would like the Irish boxers to win if there was an international contest, they always wanted the better boxer to win no matter where he was from and would make their feelings known if they thought a decision was a bad one. 

One of my heroes was Fergus Kilmartin a welterweight boxer whose parents owned a fruit and vegetable shop in Stoneybatter, in our area. Fergus worked there and I used to be in awe of him. He went off to Idaho some years later and just now I've discovered that he died there in 1994 at the age of 65. May he rest in peace.

At important games in Dalymount Park the St James's Brass and Reed Band would play. My Dad's greatest sporting memory was attending the FA Cup Final in Wembley Stadium, London, in 1948 when Manchester United defeated Blackpool 4-2 in what was considered to be perhaps the greatest final until then. In footballing terms it was for Dad as if he'd gone to heaven. It is a tradition for the spectators to sing the hymn Abide With Me before the FA Final, as it is before the Rugby League Final in England each year. Because of the memories this event had for Dad we sang it at the end of his funeral Mass in St Brigid's Church, Blanchardstown, a country village when I was a child but now a hugely built-up area.

Abide With Me is also a great favourite with brass bands and here it is played by the St James' Brass and Reed Band in Sacred Heart Church, Arbour Hill, a military chapel within Holy Family Parish where both Dad and I grew up.

Thanks for everything, Dad. May you and Mam rest in peace along with your parents and all of your own generation, especially my Auntie Jenny (Collins) Levey, the eldest of ten in my mother's family who was born 100 years ago today.

Moving house

St Joseph the Carpenter, Georges de La Tour, 1640s

Today is the feast of St Joseph the Worker. My Dad, like St Joseph, was a carpenter. As his names were John Joseph I can proudly claim to be the son of Joseph the carpenter. He was known as John in his own family and among his workmates but as Joe to my mother and her family.

Jesus too was a carpenter but I have no skills whatever in that area.

In my imagination, St Joseph built furniture. However, Dad worked on building or construction sites all of his working life, most of that time as a highly respected general foreman. He often said to me, 'Anything that's worth doing is worth doing well'. He lived by that. I don't know if he was aware of what GK Chesterton wrote, 'Anything that's worth doing is worth doing badly', but he agreed with that too in terms of encouraging me whenever I tried to do something new, such as taking a scholarship examination or whatever. He would say, 'The experience will do you good'. And it always did.

Today, 1 May, is a holiday here in the Philippines. If it hadn't fallen on a Friday or Monday President Arroyo would have changed it to one of those days. She has an obsession with long weekends and has demeaned every single distinctively Filipino public holiday, including Independence Day, 12 June, by switching them sometimes at the last minute. Her late father, President Diosdado Macapagal, moved Independence Day from 4 July to 12 June for historical and practical reasons but his daughter seems to have forgotten that.

Instead of blogging I should really be packing. Yesterday I got the keys to the house down the road I'm moving to. The Columbans have been renting the house I've been living in since 2002 for about ten years. The owners told me last August that they would need it for one of their sons, Jose Maria 'Jong' Abaya, who was married in 2006 and whose first child, Bernadette Sophia, was born to his wife Ella a few weeks before Christmas. Around that time Jong was discovered to have cancer of the colon. Sadly, he died, aged 42, and was buried last Wednesday. Please remember him in your prayers, along with his young widow of 29 and baby daughter.

I was to have moved at the end of November to another part of Bacolod City but learned of a house down the road becoming available after Easter. With the agreement of all parties involved I was able to change my plans. But the arrangements are made now.

We have a grace period in the sense that we won't transfer our office equipment for http://www.misyononline.com/ until the phone lines are connected, probably during the coming week. We'll still have the same number.

While I adjust very quickly to a new place I'm somewhat of a procrastinator. I meant to move some things this morning but it's coming up to lunch time now. (It's 11am here and 12 is the usual time for lunch in the Philippines). However, after post-siesta coffee I'll move at least some of my clothes and maybe a few books. I guess I'm in a sort of denial, but it's really only the bother of moving that I don't want to face.

I'm sure that Jinky, the ten-year-old 3/4 black Labrador I inherited from the late Fr Niall O'Brien, will adjust quickly. I hope her companions, Pembo, a very friendly neutered male cat, the only one of five orphaned kittens to survive, and Pascua, who became mother of four kittens nearly four weeks ago, will adjust too.

'Expectant fathers'

Father Leo Patalinghug, a Filipino-born priest of the Archdiocese of Baltimore, USA, where he was raised, has been featured in Misyon, the magazine I edit: From Black Belt to White Collar by Gee-Gee and Miggy Dimayuga, July-August 2007. He has his own blog and a weekly email in which he gives both 'Food for the Soul' and a recipe for food for the body. He is now on the staff of the seminary in Baltimore and uses his ability in cooking to bring families together. This week he reflects on the fact that seminarians are, in a real sense, 'expectant fathers. He explains:

Expectant Father!

This past week I had the good fortune to visit the Diocese of Charlotte to lead the seminarians’ retreat and participate in the ordination of two new priests. I sometimes refer to seminarians as "expectant fathers." That can make a few people uncomfortable until they realize that is exactly what they are. These are men who, upon ordination, will be called "Father." I knew both of the newly ordained priests personally. Fr. Tri Truong, a native of Viet Nam, studied at Mt. St. Mary’s Seminary where I currently serve on faculty, and Fr. Brad Jones who entered seminary with me back in 1993. After a few discernment considerations and some reflection time in different religious orders, 15 years later Brad Jones, would finally be ordained a priest of Jesus Christ. He is now "Father" Brad Jones!

With the upcoming Father’s Day weekend, I would never want to take away from the great responsibility of biological fatherhood by talking about the priesthood. But there is a complimentary correlation. In an age when people focus on deadbeat, overly competitive, uninvolved, pushy, or even absent fathers, we need to focus on the good examples of dads! Practically gone are the days of shows like Father Knows Best! That lack of respect for the father figure is not only evident in societal families – it is now quite evident in the Church family where more and more people challenge the relevance and importance of spiritual fathers of an all-male priesthood of Jesus Christ. In this week’s Blast, I want to make a connection between spiritual fatherhood of priests and the physical fatherhood of dads. Both types of fatherhood complement and must encourage one another. Both require fidelity to one spouse. In the husband’s case, he promises faithfulness to his wife and bride. For the priest, he is called to a total celibate commitment to his "Bride," the Church. Both require a self-giving attitude and a pro-creative openness to life; the husband does not impede the love between he and his wife. He also must work with her to raise up the children to the Lord by sharing his own faith with them. Similarly, the priest gives himself totally in his celibate sacrifices. He too cooperates with the "Mother Church" to bring up and elevate children in a new spiritual life through the waters of Baptism and the graces of the sacraments. While many other connections can be made, it seems the most important "job" shared between "dad" and "father" is the mission to bring their respective "bride" and "children" to Heaven!

That’s a father’s job! And it is God the Father’s greatest desire! Joyfully, the Diocese of Charlotte now has two new "Fathers" to help bring God’s children to Heaven! The Bishop Emeritus of the Diocese of Charlotte, Bishop Curlin, watched the current Bishop, Peter Jugis, lead the ordination ritual. The parish church of St. Vincent DePaul was packed, and more than 50 priests were on hand to concelebrate this grand event. It’s amazing how this small Catholic Diocese, recently considered catholic missionary territory, has experienced a noticeable increase of priestly vocations. This enthusiasm for priesthood is, in part, a result of the strong, humble and tireless efforts of the spiritual fathers already serving there. This small diocese now has 15 impressive seminarians with more coming in the ranks. After leading their retreat last week, I saw firsthand how these men are learning all of the qualities needed to be a good spiritual father – strength, responsibility, prayer, and love! Needless to say, I had a blast spending time with these expectant fathers! Be sure to check out pictures on the website to see how these seminarians not only prayed hard, but also played hard. At one point in the Liturgy of Ordination, right after the Final Blessing, there is a touching moment when the Bishop – the spiritual father of the Diocese – receives the blessings of the new "father." The blessing of the new priest imparts a unique spiritual grace for the recipient. In response, the person who was blessed will often kiss the hands of the newly ordained priest. Often, it’s the other way around; usually the faithful are accustomed to kissing the ring of the Bishop. But this kiss the Bishop gives to the hands of the new priests demonstrates the respect and love for the priest’s new responsibility – to be an image of God the Father and the hands and feet of Jesus Christ! As archaic as it may seem, this tradition has been carried to cultures beyond the church, including my own Filipino culture. It’s customary for the younger Filipino generation to greet parents, elders, and others in authority by placing to their forehead the hand of the person to whom they are offering respect. This gesture, called "mano po" (i.e., hand please), mimics the kiss of the hand that is given to the Bishop’s ring. Seeing the Bishop kiss the hands of Fr. Tri and Fr. Brad Jones – this long time "expectant father" – brought back humbling memories of when my dad kissed my hands after ordination to the priesthood!

Fatherhood is definitely something worth respecting and celebrating! It’s easy to focus inordinately on deadbeat, uninvolved, irresponsible, and unloving men, but doing this could cause us to label all children from single parent homes as "oppressed victims," foregone fatalities, ruined due to the absence of a fatherly presence. In this myopic view, we can lose focus on something worth celebrating: fatherhood! Therefore, I want to focus on those dads and spiritual fathers who are devoted to their bride and children, especially in how they help raise their children in Faith. I also want to encourage fathers to make sure they are going to church with their children and sharing their own love for God with the whole family. A dad’s presence does matter! I pray that the fatherly qualities of priests and the fatherhood of dads will always remember their most important job in this vocation: to feed his children with "Food" that will make them healthy – body, mind, and soul. By feeding the children with true, good and holy things in life, we will give them the strength to taste the Eternal Banquet of Heaven. If you see a newly ordained priest, don’t be afraid to ask for a blessing. And in respect and love for his new office, kiss his hand. You can actually receive a plenary indulgence for it! And when you see your dad, be sure to consider how the work of this man’s hands have fed you, loved you and protected you. If you’re not Filipino, you may find it odd to kiss his hands, so instead, just give the big guy a hug and kiss instead. And, more importantly, keep your dad in your prayers and remember to put fatherhood back in God’s hands where it belongs!

Father Leo here has a beautiful story about a family he saw in a restaurant:

Big Daddy Barbecue

While I was in Charlotte, I ate in a wonderful barbecue restaurant, a landmark known as "Carolina Bar-B-Q." I sat within perfect view of a unique and inspiring family. The mother and grandmother helped feed two infant children, while the dad sat in a wheelchair, eating his meal – through a straw. And although I didn’t know this family at all, two things were obvious: one, something terrible happened to this young father; and two, this woman loved her husband – in sickness and health. Also obvious was this man’s love and gratitude for his wife and mother (perhaps, mother-in-law). Although paralyzed, I could see him smile as he looked lovingly on his wife and young children. The touching scene made me pray for this family’s future. In an age where "Unfaithful Women" and the City reaches box office status, I could only pray that this woman’s love for the father of her children be true and everlasting. And even though this dad couldn’t fully enjoy the barbecue his family was eating, nor was he able to do much for them physically, but I’m sure he was able to love them with his whole heart, mind, and soul – especially with his prayers for them! This old-time restaurant, equipped with model train tracks looming over our heads was full of "North Carolina Charm!" The barbecued pork and chicken I ate were excellent! But the meal was even better seeing such an inspiring family!

To help recreate this tasty and inspiring meal, and to relive some of the southern Barbecue foods of North Carolina, click here for my version of a Big Daddy Barbecue Sauce! For the recipe, click here. (I don't have the slightest interest or talent in cooking - only in eating!)

A Father’s Day Prayer (This is, I think, Sunday, 15 June, in places that observe it, such as the USA and the Philippines. I think that this is Father Leo's Dad in the photo).

I think I’ve said enough about how fatherhood MUST be appreciated because every father is called to be an image God the Father! So, along with the respect, hugs, and kisses many dads may live for, the best gift we can give to them is heartfelt prayer!

Let us pray: Father in Heaven, bless our dads with your grace, strength, and Faith. We pray for those families that may not have a fatherly presence. Be their Father, Lord God, so that your children may always know the gift and the perfect image of Fatherhood through You. We pray that all our dads and our spiritual fathers, especially our newly ordained priests, will help all of us become saints, so that we can celebrate an eternal Father’s Day in Heaven. Amen!