St Joseph, Husband and Father; fatherhood.

The Presentation in the Temple

Philippe de Champaigne [Web Gallery of Art]

A few years ago while at home from the Philippines I was celebrating Sunday Mass in Blanchardstown, Dublin, when I noticed a family coming in a little late. I realised the parents were Filipinos. They came right up to the front of the church. What touched me was that the husband/father was carrying the couple’s infant.

In November 2014 I was in the pre-departure area of Incheon Airport, Seoul, for a flight back to Manila. I saw a Filipino father with his son who clearly had just recently learned to walk and was taking sheer delight in running around. He wasn’t disturbing anyone as there was plenty of space. The child’s father stayed at a distance, moving around and keeping an eye on his son while giving him space. I can imagine St Joseph doing exactly the same with the Child Jesus when he had just learned to walk.

Philippe de Champaigne’s painting shows St Joseph carrying Jesus into the temple, just as the young Filipino father carried his infant child to the church in Dublin that Sunday morning.

In his book Jesus of Nazareth, The Infancy Narratives Pope Benedict quotes Matthew 1:21: [Mary] will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins. The Pope then writes, Together with the instruction to take Mary as his wife, Joseph is asked to give a name to the child and thus legally to adopt it as his.

St Joseph was the legal father of Jesus according to Jewish law, much more than a foster father, important though such a person may be in the lives of many.

The Church honours St Joseph on 19 March as ‘Saint Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary.’ That is his greatest title, the one also used in the Eucharistic Prayers of the Mass. It was as husband of Mary  that he was known as the father of Jesus – and was a real father to him.

Below is a video of one of the best talks on fatherhood I have ever heard. It was given during an online conference organised by the Legion of Mary in Dublin on the theme of St Joseph. The speaker, Mickey Harte, is a national and successful figure in Ireland in Gaelic Football, a major sport that is native to the country. Ten years ago his daughter Michaela was murdered on her honeymoon in Mauritius aged 27. He speaks about her briefly during his talk.

It is also clear that Mickey learned how to be a father from his own father. I have seen the same in my own family. He also suggests that if we know of a family that doesn’t have a father-figure to ‘adopt’ that family in the sense of praying specifically for them to St Joseph that they will find such a figure.

He also points out that it is a manly thing to pray and how he learned from his father to be the leader in family prayer.

Collect of the Mass of Saint Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Grant, we pray, almighty God, 

that by Saint Joseph’s intercession  

your Church may constantly watch over 

the unfolding of the mysteries of human salvation, 

whose beginnings you entrusted to his faithful care.

Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, 

who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, 

God, for ever and ever.

Porferio D. Matulac RIP, the father of a Columban priest

Porferio D. Matulac was the father of Fr Cireneo 'Dodong' Matulac, a Columban priest ordained a few days after Christmas 2002. Father Dodong started off under my care as a 16-year-old first-year college seminarian in Cebu City, studying at the University of San Carlos. Later in his formation Dodong spent two years on mission in Chile as a seminarian on what we call 'First Mission Assignment'. After his ordination he spent some years in China and is now involved in the formation of Columban seminarians in Quezon City but is currently doing a year's study in Chicago.

I remember being very touched when he told me how his family welcomed each New Year. Shortly after his ordination I asked him to write an article about that for MISYON, now MISYONonline.com, the Columban magazine I edit here in the Philippines. It was published in the January-February 2004 issue. The Matulac Family live in a remote part of southwestern Mindanao, in a small village that is part of the municipality of Payao, Zamboanga Sibugay. Father Dodong was able to spend nearly a month with his family over Christmas and the New Year before returning to Chicago.

The funeral of Porferio takes place in Payao on 30 January at 10am.

How My Family Welcomes The New Year

by Fr Cireneo Matulac

Father Dodong with his parents 'Poping' and 'Vering' on his ordination day

There’s growing excitement in our family as we prepare for the New Year’s celebration. My brother has just left for the población to buy ice cream, the only time we have it, a real New Year’s treat. I feel that this New Year’s celebration will be different. My mother has insisted on baking rice cakes which she hadn’t done for years. My two sisters are preparing their favorite dish and my other brother is preparing his usual pork and chicken barbecue. My family has certainly become a lot bigger. I now have seventeen nephews and nieces, the oldest in his early twenties, and all of them are extremely excited. I’ve heard the younger ones say, ‘Uncle will celebrate Mass for the New Year in Lola’s house.’ ['Lola' is 'Grandma'].

Our time of the year

Celebrating the New Year has always been a happy occasion for my family. We welcome it in a festive manner even in dire times. My father makes sure that everyone is present and leads us in our family para-liturgical celebration, like a family Gagmayng Simbahanong Katilingban, (GSK), or basic ecclesial community. We start at 11pm and finish a few minutes before midnight when we wish each other ‘Happy New Year.’

My father selects a gospel reading and then expounds on it with the passionate homily he has prepared weeks before. His sermon usually revolves around how our family has gone through hardships and difficulties but has always been able to move forward. He attributes this not to any of his strengths and gifts but to prayer that God always answers. He reminds us that every evening my mother leads us in the rosary. I remember that as a child I always fell asleep before we finished. My father speaks of the generosity of God who continues to bless us all the days of our lives. When he comes to this point, my mother seconds him with her sobs and tears. She isn’t particularly sad. Her tears express a joy for which there are no words.

Father Dodong on a recent 'field-trip' in the USA

What binds my family

After our liturgy, we have the family dinner. This is the time when we make wishes for the coming year. When I was a young boy I asked God to make me a little taller. God answered my other prayers but not this one. This New Year, however, I can’t wish for anything more except for our family to be always together.

I know that this New Year will be different. I am the youngest child and I was ordained to the priesthood only a a few days ago. My mother told her grandchildren that this time we would have Mass instead of my father leading the family liturgy. Secretly, to his great delight, I asked my father to prepare the homily. Deep in my heart I know that this is a tradition that sustains us as a Christian family and that my vocation sprang mainly from my parents’ faith articulated by my father in his New Year’s sermon and made a lot more profound by my mother’s sobs and tears. I’m sure that it is going to be a different celebration this year, as my mother has told her grandchildren. But then it’s always different because each time we welcome the New Year we’re growing deeper in our faith in God. This yearly ritual has always been a wellspring of my family’s faith and my vocation to the priesthood.

Every New Year is indeed different and yet a continuation of what we’ve always been doing.

Pope Francis: 'Every family needs a father . . . because they are . . . irreplaceable . . . '

Vatican City, February 04, 2015 (Zenit.org) 

This is from the website of the Rome-based Catholic news agency Zenit. I have highlighted some parts and added [comments].

Here is the translation of the Holy Father's address during his weekly General Audience at the Paul VI Audience Hall.

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Today I would like to develop the second part of the reflection on the figure of the father in the family. Last time I spoke of the danger of “absent” fathers. Today, instead, I want to look at the positive aspect. Saint Joseph was also tempted to leave Mary, when he discovered that she was pregnant, but the Angel of the Lord intervened and revealed God’s plan and his mission of foster father. And Joseph, a just man, “took his wife” (Mt. 1:24) and became the father of the Family of Nazareth.

The Dream of St Joseph, Georges de la Tour, c.1640

Musée des Beaux-Arts, Nantes, France [Web Gallery of Art]

Every family needs a father. Today we reflect on the value of his role, and I would like to begin from some expressions that are found in the Book of Proverbs, words that a father addresses to his son: “My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad. My soul will rejoice when your lips speak what is right” (Proverbs 23:15-16).

One cannot express better the pride and emotion of a father who realizes that he has transmitted to his son what truly counts in life, namely, a wise heart. This father does not say: “I am proud of you because you are, in fact, just like me, because you repeat the things that I say and do.” No, he says something far more important to him, which we can interpret thus: “I will be happy every time that I see you act with wisdom, and I will be moved every time I hear you speak what is right. This is what I wanted to leave you, so that it would become something of yours: the attitude to feel and act, to speak and judge with wisdom and righteousness. And so that you would be able to be like this, I taught you things you did not know, I corrected errors that you did not see. I made you feel a profound and, at the same time, discreet affection, which perhaps you did not recognize fully when you were young and uncertain. I gave you a witness of rigor and firmness, which perhaps you did not understand, when you would only have wished for complicity and protection. I had to put myself first to the test of wisdom of heart, and to watch over excesses of sentiment and resentment, to bear the weight of the inevitable misunderstandings and find the right words to make myself understood. Now, when I see that you seek to be like this with your children, and with everyone, I am moved. I am happy to be your father.” And that is what a wise father says, a mature father.

Christ in the Carpenter's Shop, Georges de la Tour, 1645

Musée du Louvre, Paris [Web Gallery of Art]

A father is well aware how much it costs to transmit this heritage: how much closeness, how much gentleness and how much firmness. [Closeness, gentleness and firmness go together. I know the truth of this from how I experienced my own father. ] However, what consolation and what reward is received when children honor to this heritage! It is a joy that compensates for every effort, that surpasses every misunderstanding and heals every wound.

Hence, the first necessity is in fact this: that the father be present in the family. That he be close to his wife, to share everything – joys and sorrows, efforts and hopes. [The first part of the 'first necessity' is 'to be close to his wife, to share everything . . . The spousal relationship comes first and is the foundation of the parental one.] And that he be close to the children in their growth: when they play and when they are busy, when they are carefree and when they are anguished, when they express themselves and when they are silent, when they risk and when they are afraid, when they take a wrong step and when they find the way again. A father that is present, always! But to be present is not the same as controlling. Because fathers who are too controlling override the children, they do not let them grow.

[I saw a lovely example of what the Holy Father means there while waiting at Incheon Airport last November for my flight to Manila. A young father, a Filipino, was allowing his daughter, clearly his first child, to run around - but keeping an eye on her. She was at the stage where she had just learned to walk within the previous two or three weeks and was now able to run. He created space for her by staying at a distance but moving around and she didn't interfere with anyone. I could see the little girl's delight in discovering what it is to run. And I could see the father's delight in his daughter's delight. 'The Lord takes delight in his people (Psalm 149: 4, Grail translation). His wife, who was sitting nearby, had nothing to worry about. The painting below shows Joseph and Mary, while carrying on with their work, letting Jesus be while keeping an eye on him.]

The Holy Family in the Carpenter's Shop

Christian Wilhelm Ernst Dietrich

Private Collection [Web Gallery of Art]

The Gospel speaks to us of the exemplarity of the Father who is in Heaven – the only one, says Jesus, who can be truly called “Good Father” (Cf. Mark 10:18). Everyone knows that extraordinary parable called the “Prodigal Son,” or better of the “Merciful Father,” which is found in Luke’s Gospel (Cf. 15:11-32). How much dignity and how much tenderness in the father’s waiting, who is at the door of his home waiting for his son to return! Fathers should be patient, many times there is nothing else that can be done other than to wait. Pray and wait with patience, gentleness, magnanimity and mercy.

The Return of the Prodigal Son, Murillo, 1667-70

National Gallery of Art, Washington DC [Web Gallery of Art]

A good father is able to wait and to forgive from the depth of his heart. Of course, he is also able to correct with firmness: he is not a weak, compliant and sentimental father. The father who is able to correct without discouraging is the same one who is able to protect tirelessly. One time, I heard a father, in a meeting with married couples, say: "I, sometimes, must hit my child a little, but never in the face, to not degrade him. How beautiful! He knows the sense of dignity! He must punish but does it justly and moves forward.

Therefore, if there is someone who can explain in depth the prayer of the “Our Father,” taught by Jesus, it is in fact one who lives paternity personally. Without the grace that comes from the Father who is in Heaven, fathers lose courage and abandon the field. [I believe that this grace comes largely through the Sacrament of Matrimony.]
However, children are in need of finding a father who waits for them when they return from their failures. They will do everything not to admit it, not to make it seen, but they need him and in not finding him opens in them wounds that are difficult to heal.

The Church, our Mother, is committed to supporting with all her strength the good and generous presence of fathers in families, because they are, for the new generations, irreplaceable custodians and mediators of faith in goodness, in justice and in the protection of God, as Saint Joseph. [Fathers are 'irreplaceable'. None of the bizarre nonsense that has become 'politically correct' in the Western world that it doesn't matter whether your parents are man and woman, two men or two women. What the Pope said here echoes what he said last year in his general audience on the Solemnity of St Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary.]

Joseph's Song 

Written by Michael Card, sung by Gabe Hughes

St Joseph, Husband of Mary

Bartolomé Estebán Murillo, The Two Trinities (1675-82)

Something I’ve come to avert to only within the last couple of years is that the Church honours St Joseph today as the Husband of Mary.

I was blessed to have been born the son of a carpenter whose names were John Joseph, known to his own family and friends as ‘John’ and to my mother and her family as ‘Joe’, because someone had, unusually, shortened ‘John’ to ‘Joe’.

I never cease to thank God for the fact that my Dad was, first of all, a loving and responsible husband and, as such, a loving and responsible father.

Some of my married friends, especially those in Worldwide Marriage Encounter, are probably tired of hearing me remind them that their first vocation is to be spouses and, as such, parents.

When I was in kindergarten, and maybe even before that, I learned that St Joseph was the foster-father of Jesus. More recently I've heard him described as the legal father of Jesus, as he gave Jesus his name, and by that assumed that responsibility.

Yet, with all the titles we have for Mary, we’ve none that echoes the greatest title that the Church gives ot St Joseph on his solemnity today, 'Husband of Mary'.

And if we accept Lex orandi lex credendi, 'the law of prayer is the law of faith', the Church implies by the very title of today's feast that the primary vocation of every married person is to be a spouse, not a parent. It asks us to honour St Joseph first of all as the husband of Mary, rather than as the foster-father or legal father of Jesus, though, of course, it doesn't downplay the importance of that in any way.

'Sometimes I feel like a fatherless child'

I'm the kind of person who often reacts to stereotypes, including positive ones. I've seen many, many photos and paintings of mothers holding their babies. It's a cliche, though a positive, wholesome one. When we were planning the cover of Misyon for November-December 2007 my assistant editor, Anne, took photos of friends of hers here in Bacolod, Renante and Cristina Uy with their first child, Keifer Thomas. We discussed which photo to use and eventually opted for this one - with Renante rather than Cristina holding Keefer.

Years ago in Mindanao I heard a young father, a lawyer, say that he never held his children. That was his wife's job. I thought of how much both he and his children, whom he loved, were missing. Some of my own happiest memories from my childhood are of my father's affectionate love. He was a carpenter and made a little saddle for me on the crossbar of his bicycle. I have one clear memory of being on the bike with him. It was before we moved house three months or so after my third birthday.

I've known persons who lost their father's through death when they were very young and who have felt a deep sense of loss throughout their lives. But in some parts of the world today fatherhood is seen almost as something abhorrent and certainly not needed. This report is from the July-August issue of Personal Update published by Family and Life in Ireland.

Father’s Day Removed from School and Family

A primary school in Scotland told its teachers to omit any classwork relating to Father’s Day lest those children without fathers would be made to feel inferior. This comes at a time when the British parliament has voted to recognise in law that a child no longer needs a father. This trend to dismiss the role of fathers takes place when clear evidence is accumulating that fatherless families have definite negative consequences for the socialisation of young children. The decay of family life in the United States is well documented, and its negative consequences quantified. Nearly two of every five children there do not live with their fathers, and…

* 63% of suicides of youths are from fatherless homes. [Census Bureau]
* 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
* 85% of all children that exhibit behavioural disorders come from fatherless homes. [Centers for Disease Control]
* 80% of rapists motivated by displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol. 14 pp. 403-26]
* 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
* 85% of all youths in prison grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia Jail Populations and Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]

As they say in the USA, 'Go figure'.

'Expectant fathers'

Father Leo Patalinghug, a Filipino-born priest of the Archdiocese of Baltimore, USA, where he was raised, has been featured in Misyon, the magazine I edit: From Black Belt to White Collar by Gee-Gee and Miggy Dimayuga, July-August 2007. He has his own blog and a weekly email in which he gives both 'Food for the Soul' and a recipe for food for the body. He is now on the staff of the seminary in Baltimore and uses his ability in cooking to bring families together. This week he reflects on the fact that seminarians are, in a real sense, 'expectant fathers. He explains:

Expectant Father!

This past week I had the good fortune to visit the Diocese of Charlotte to lead the seminarians’ retreat and participate in the ordination of two new priests. I sometimes refer to seminarians as "expectant fathers." That can make a few people uncomfortable until they realize that is exactly what they are. These are men who, upon ordination, will be called "Father." I knew both of the newly ordained priests personally. Fr. Tri Truong, a native of Viet Nam, studied at Mt. St. Mary’s Seminary where I currently serve on faculty, and Fr. Brad Jones who entered seminary with me back in 1993. After a few discernment considerations and some reflection time in different religious orders, 15 years later Brad Jones, would finally be ordained a priest of Jesus Christ. He is now "Father" Brad Jones!

With the upcoming Father’s Day weekend, I would never want to take away from the great responsibility of biological fatherhood by talking about the priesthood. But there is a complimentary correlation. In an age when people focus on deadbeat, overly competitive, uninvolved, pushy, or even absent fathers, we need to focus on the good examples of dads! Practically gone are the days of shows like Father Knows Best! That lack of respect for the father figure is not only evident in societal families – it is now quite evident in the Church family where more and more people challenge the relevance and importance of spiritual fathers of an all-male priesthood of Jesus Christ. In this week’s Blast, I want to make a connection between spiritual fatherhood of priests and the physical fatherhood of dads. Both types of fatherhood complement and must encourage one another. Both require fidelity to one spouse. In the husband’s case, he promises faithfulness to his wife and bride. For the priest, he is called to a total celibate commitment to his "Bride," the Church. Both require a self-giving attitude and a pro-creative openness to life; the husband does not impede the love between he and his wife. He also must work with her to raise up the children to the Lord by sharing his own faith with them. Similarly, the priest gives himself totally in his celibate sacrifices. He too cooperates with the "Mother Church" to bring up and elevate children in a new spiritual life through the waters of Baptism and the graces of the sacraments. While many other connections can be made, it seems the most important "job" shared between "dad" and "father" is the mission to bring their respective "bride" and "children" to Heaven!

That’s a father’s job! And it is God the Father’s greatest desire! Joyfully, the Diocese of Charlotte now has two new "Fathers" to help bring God’s children to Heaven! The Bishop Emeritus of the Diocese of Charlotte, Bishop Curlin, watched the current Bishop, Peter Jugis, lead the ordination ritual. The parish church of St. Vincent DePaul was packed, and more than 50 priests were on hand to concelebrate this grand event. It’s amazing how this small Catholic Diocese, recently considered catholic missionary territory, has experienced a noticeable increase of priestly vocations. This enthusiasm for priesthood is, in part, a result of the strong, humble and tireless efforts of the spiritual fathers already serving there. This small diocese now has 15 impressive seminarians with more coming in the ranks. After leading their retreat last week, I saw firsthand how these men are learning all of the qualities needed to be a good spiritual father – strength, responsibility, prayer, and love! Needless to say, I had a blast spending time with these expectant fathers! Be sure to check out pictures on the website to see how these seminarians not only prayed hard, but also played hard. At one point in the Liturgy of Ordination, right after the Final Blessing, there is a touching moment when the Bishop – the spiritual father of the Diocese – receives the blessings of the new "father." The blessing of the new priest imparts a unique spiritual grace for the recipient. In response, the person who was blessed will often kiss the hands of the newly ordained priest. Often, it’s the other way around; usually the faithful are accustomed to kissing the ring of the Bishop. But this kiss the Bishop gives to the hands of the new priests demonstrates the respect and love for the priest’s new responsibility – to be an image of God the Father and the hands and feet of Jesus Christ! As archaic as it may seem, this tradition has been carried to cultures beyond the church, including my own Filipino culture. It’s customary for the younger Filipino generation to greet parents, elders, and others in authority by placing to their forehead the hand of the person to whom they are offering respect. This gesture, called "mano po" (i.e., hand please), mimics the kiss of the hand that is given to the Bishop’s ring. Seeing the Bishop kiss the hands of Fr. Tri and Fr. Brad Jones – this long time "expectant father" – brought back humbling memories of when my dad kissed my hands after ordination to the priesthood!

Fatherhood is definitely something worth respecting and celebrating! It’s easy to focus inordinately on deadbeat, uninvolved, irresponsible, and unloving men, but doing this could cause us to label all children from single parent homes as "oppressed victims," foregone fatalities, ruined due to the absence of a fatherly presence. In this myopic view, we can lose focus on something worth celebrating: fatherhood! Therefore, I want to focus on those dads and spiritual fathers who are devoted to their bride and children, especially in how they help raise their children in Faith. I also want to encourage fathers to make sure they are going to church with their children and sharing their own love for God with the whole family. A dad’s presence does matter! I pray that the fatherly qualities of priests and the fatherhood of dads will always remember their most important job in this vocation: to feed his children with "Food" that will make them healthy – body, mind, and soul. By feeding the children with true, good and holy things in life, we will give them the strength to taste the Eternal Banquet of Heaven. If you see a newly ordained priest, don’t be afraid to ask for a blessing. And in respect and love for his new office, kiss his hand. You can actually receive a plenary indulgence for it! And when you see your dad, be sure to consider how the work of this man’s hands have fed you, loved you and protected you. If you’re not Filipino, you may find it odd to kiss his hands, so instead, just give the big guy a hug and kiss instead. And, more importantly, keep your dad in your prayers and remember to put fatherhood back in God’s hands where it belongs!

Father Leo here has a beautiful story about a family he saw in a restaurant:

Big Daddy Barbecue

While I was in Charlotte, I ate in a wonderful barbecue restaurant, a landmark known as "Carolina Bar-B-Q." I sat within perfect view of a unique and inspiring family. The mother and grandmother helped feed two infant children, while the dad sat in a wheelchair, eating his meal – through a straw. And although I didn’t know this family at all, two things were obvious: one, something terrible happened to this young father; and two, this woman loved her husband – in sickness and health. Also obvious was this man’s love and gratitude for his wife and mother (perhaps, mother-in-law). Although paralyzed, I could see him smile as he looked lovingly on his wife and young children. The touching scene made me pray for this family’s future. In an age where "Unfaithful Women" and the City reaches box office status, I could only pray that this woman’s love for the father of her children be true and everlasting. And even though this dad couldn’t fully enjoy the barbecue his family was eating, nor was he able to do much for them physically, but I’m sure he was able to love them with his whole heart, mind, and soul – especially with his prayers for them! This old-time restaurant, equipped with model train tracks looming over our heads was full of "North Carolina Charm!" The barbecued pork and chicken I ate were excellent! But the meal was even better seeing such an inspiring family!

To help recreate this tasty and inspiring meal, and to relive some of the southern Barbecue foods of North Carolina, click here for my version of a Big Daddy Barbecue Sauce! For the recipe, click here. (I don't have the slightest interest or talent in cooking - only in eating!)

A Father’s Day Prayer (This is, I think, Sunday, 15 June, in places that observe it, such as the USA and the Philippines. I think that this is Father Leo's Dad in the photo).

I think I’ve said enough about how fatherhood MUST be appreciated because every father is called to be an image God the Father! So, along with the respect, hugs, and kisses many dads may live for, the best gift we can give to them is heartfelt prayer!

Let us pray: Father in Heaven, bless our dads with your grace, strength, and Faith. We pray for those families that may not have a fatherly presence. Be their Father, Lord God, so that your children may always know the gift and the perfect image of Fatherhood through You. We pray that all our dads and our spiritual fathers, especially our newly ordained priests, will help all of us become saints, so that we can celebrate an eternal Father’s Day in Heaven. Amen!