Today's news reports the separation of a prominent American couple (not the couple in the photo at whose marriage I officiated!), both Catholics, after 25 years of marriage. Their four children range in age from 21 to 14. The couple issued this statement, part of which I emphasise:
'This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us. After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion, and prayer, we came to this decision together.
'At this time, we are living apart while we work on the future of our relationship. We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the centre of both of our lives.'
I do not know all that is behind this particular separation and clearly it wasn't done lightly. The couple in question also deserve our prayers. But I truly believe that the last sentence of their statement explains why so many marriages break up. When a couple consider being parents as more important than being spouses they are heading for deep trouble - because they are ignoring what God has called them to: oneness. Their children are the fruit of their spousal relationship of oneness.
In my previous post Columban Lay Missionary Joan Yap (above) introduced herself this way: I am Joan Yap, fifth child of the late Mr Lito Yap and Josefa Blaza Yap. I am one of the fruits of the love of two people who offered most of their life to the Prelature and now the Diocese of Ipil.
Joan is one of nine 'fruits' of that marriage. Parenthood is also a fruit of marriage. In God's plan, being father and mother is a consequence of being husband and wife.
5 comments:
From a friend in Canada who posted her comment on my Facebook. I have known her since she was a child, attended her wedding and her Silver Wedding last year:
Dearest Father Sean!As a mother to seven children, I can agree that you are absolutely correct! I am first a daughter of God and second, wife to my marvellous husband. With God's grace, we loved each other so much that He blessed us with the fruit of that sacramental marital unity,namely our children. In a few years they will be called to their lives' vocations and we will continue ours. And it is within that unity that we are sanctified and made holy so that we may enter His gates!
As an editor I spot others' mistakes but I didn't spot my own till it was posted. There should be a comma after 'wedding' in the second sentence of my introduction to my friend's comment. Her wedding and Silver Wedding didn't occur in the same year!
In an email from a young married woman in Bacolod City: 'I believe being parents can't destroy marriage because it is a consequence of God's plan for husbands and wives. Children are the gifts of the sacrament of marriage, hence they serve as inspiration to couples and the source of love and oneness in the family'.
Here are two comments from young married women here in Bacolod City, Philippines, where I live.
1. I believe being parents can't destroy marriage because it is a consequence of God's plan for husbands and wives. Children are the gifts of the sacrament of marriage, hence they serve as an inspiration to couples and the source of love and oneness in the family.
2.Being a parent is God's gift. In my own opinion most of the time problems begin with misunderstandings between a couple on how to deal with the needs of their children, but it is not a reason that can destroy marriage. For me being parents is the reason that keeps the life of a couple more meaningful for it completes a family.
NO is the answer to this question.......
An email response from a Filipino couple now in Australia: I thoroughly believe in you. I still remember when you asked me if my husband and I still go on dates without the children. I answered yes. Then you explained to us the importance of spending time together should continue just like we did before marriage.
We have celebrated our 19th Wedding anniversary and we still go on dates. We look forward to those days when we can do just random things together such as visiting the Blessed Sacrament, go for long drives, shopping, dine out etc.
I shared this with many couples and they don't agree. It is truly sad when married couples make parenting their priority.
I have printed your letter and will distribute it to our friends in Couples For Christ.
Thank you very much for your sharing, Father.
Take care and God bless.
Post a Comment